


Tomorrow

by MamaCurry



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas can't let himself be happy, Cas won't let Dean say the words, Dean can always tell when something's wrong with cas, Love Confessions, So close to I love you, The Empty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23791378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaCurry/pseuds/MamaCurry
Summary: Cas couldn't let him say it.
Kudos: 16





	Tomorrow

This was it. 

They had finally figured out a way to capture Chuck. While Cas didn’t like the plan, he knew that they had no other choice. As they—Sam, Dean, Jack and Cas—prepared their bags, the angel couldn’t help but stare at the oldest hunter. 

Dean had apologized. He had prayed in purgatory, and even cried while he had done so. Cas knew that showing emotion was not something that Dean took lightly, and over the years he had only seen him cry a handful of times. When Dean had found Cas leaning against that tree, and they embraced for the first time in what felt like years, Cas had to use all of his willpower to release from the hug. He hadn’t wanted to let Dean go, he needed to absorb as much from that one hug that he could. 

Cas realized that Dean had caught him watching him load his gun, and the hunter cocked an eyebrow without alarming Sam or Jack. Cas just shot him a brief smile and quickly turned his gaze down to the bag in front of him as he shoved his angel blade into it. 

Dean’s brow furrowed together when Cas so abruptly looked away, clearing his throat. He knew that they were back on good terms after purgatory, but Dean had been consistently terrified that their relationship was beyond repair after the things that had been said. He moved his gaze towards where Sam was helping Jack load a shotgun. Dean’s eyes moved back to the table, although he wasn’t really looking at anything in particular. When he looked back up, he made eye contact with Cas. 

“Can I talk to you?” Dean finally spoke, trying his hardest not to slam his gun on the table as he walked to the hallway heading for the kitchen. 

Cas looked at Sam and Jack quickly before tightening his lips and following the hunter. He could hear Jack behind him asking Sam what was going on, but he didn’t want to hear Sam’s reply. While Sam had been aware of Dean and Cas’ argument, who knew what he thought was currently going on. 

Dean stood leaning against the kitchen table, his ankles and arms both crossed in a defensive stance as Cas entered the room. The angel stopped in the middle of the room, his arms hanging by his sides. 

“Yes?” Cas broke the awkward silence, holding his arms out from his legs just enough to make the gesture. 

“Why do you…” Dean trailed off, his jaw tightening, “You keep staring.” 

Cas swallowed loudly, his face falling. He had hoped that Dean hadn’t noticed his looks since they had returned from purgatory, but obviously it was to no avail. 

“Are you,” Dean paused, biting the inside of his lips, “Are you still mad at me?” 

“What?” Cas tried not to respond so quickly, he didn’t want to sound so damn eager. “Of course not.”

“Then what’s going on, man?” Dean lifted from the table, shrugging his shoulders with his arms still crossed in front of his chest. 

Cas broke their eye contact, looking to the floor. “Nothing.” 

“Cas, come on,” Dean spoke softly as he slowly walked towards the angel. “I’ve known you long enough to know when something’s wrong.” 

Cas sighed quietly, shaking his head slightly. He knew that he shouldn’t say anything, especially since they were about to go into a battle that he was almost completely sure they were not going to win. This was not the time. 

But he couldn’t help it. 

“When you found me in purgatory,” he began, trying to control his voice from shaking, “And you said you had to say something.”

Dean felt his breath catch in his throat. There was no way that Cas could’ve known what he was going to say in that moment. The angel had promised him long ago that he would never read his mind without his permission. 

“Um, yeah,” Dean replied, pursing his lips and lowering his arms to his side. “What about it?” 

“Were you going to tell me,” Cas stopped. He couldn’t find the words. He slowly allowed his eyes to drift upwards and meet Dean’s, and his heart fluttered. Dean was staring at him, his jaw tightened but his eyes soft. “Never mind.” 

Dean reached out as Cas turned to leave, grabbing the sleeve of his trench coat. Cas froze, feeling the warmth of Dean’s fingers through the material. He couldn’t turn back and look at him, he just stayed in that position, his upper half facing the doorway with his legs completely still.

Dean moved his grasp from yanking on the material to wrapping his fingers around Cas’ bicep, squeezing gently. He tried to pull the angel to face him, but Cas stayed his ground. 

“Cas,” Dean whispered, sighing as he tried again to turn Cas around. “Please.” 

Cas finally gave in, letting out a long breath before he turned and again made eye contact with those perfect green eyes. 

“Dean, I can’t,” Cas spoke so quietly that Dean almost didn’t hear him. 

Dean’s mouth dropped open just the slightest, his hand dropping from Cas’ arm. He pursed his lips and nodded, backing away slowly. 

“Okay, I get it.” 

Cas realized quickly that Dean had misunderstood his intentions, and tried to resolve it, “Wait, Dean. I didn’t mean that I don’t—“ 

“You don’t have to say anything, Cas,” Dean turned and walked to the fridge, opening it and grabbing a beer. He figured that he should at least have a small buzz for what will probably be the last battle of his life. He popped it open and took a long swig, and when he lowered his head he realized that Cas was standing directly in front of him, a hardened look on his face. 

“Dean,” Cas began, reaching out and taking the beer from his hands and resting it on the counter. “I…I have to tell you something.” 

“No, don’t feel like you have to say it just because—“

“Stop interrupting,” Cas held up a hand, effectively stopping Dean mid sentence. “It’s not what you think.” 

“Fine,” Dean threw his arms out to the side. “Then talk.” 

Cas watched as Dean stalked away from him, leaning against the metal counter with his hands on his hips. The angel sighed, knowing that what he was about to say could ruin whatever semblance of a relationship they had, but also knowing that it needed to be said. 

“When I went to heaven to rescue Jack,” Cas kept his voice even, trying not to let it waiver with any hint of emotion, “The empty was there.” 

“Wait,” Dean interrupted, his hand jumping up, “I thought the empty was a place?” 

“It’s more of an entity,” Cas explained, shrugging his shoulders, “Anyway, it was in heaven, trying to take Jack.” 

“Why?”

“Because of the part of him that was angel,” Cas replied, “The empty felt that Jack belonged to it.”

“Okay,” Dean looked down to the floor, his eyes darting around as he tried to connect the dots. “But you both came back, so how did you escape the empty?”

Cas drew a slow breath, watching as Dean slowly looked up and made eye contact with him. The angel narrowed his lips together, tilting his head. Dean’s face instantly became angry, his forehead knit together in frustration as he moved forward. 

“You made a deal?” he growled, stomping towards the angel. Cas swallowed before giving a quick nod. Dean let out a sharp breath, his head dropping as he whispered, “Seriously.”

“I had to save Jack,” Cas finally spoke up. “I didn’t have a choice.” 

Dean brought his gaze back up to Cas, his face scrunched up in confusion. “But you’re still here, did The Empty give you ten years like a demon deal?” 

“No,” Cas cleared his throat, looking to the side. 

“Then what? A year?” Dean began to yell again, leaning over to try and catch Cas’ eyes. 

“No,” Cas repeated, sighing. “The Empty said that it would come for me when I…when I finally gave myself permission to be happy.” 

“What?” Dean asked incredulously, “What the hell does that even mean?” 

Cas closed his eyes with his head cast downward, knowing that he couldn’t be looking at Dean for what he had to say next. 

“That’s why, in purgatory,” Cas began, his voice cracking slightly. “When you said you had to say something—“

“That’s why you stopped me,” Dean whispered, a large breath falling out of his lungs. 

“I couldn’t let you say it,” Cas murmured, his head lifting with his eyes still closed. “Because it would’ve made me truly happy for the first time in my life. And then…”

“Then it would’ve come for you,” Dean finished his sentence, shaking his head. He watched as the angel stood in front of him, his eyes closed tightly. Dean waited for a brief moment before he found his hand reaching out on its own volition. His palm gently rested against Cas’ cheek, making the angel twitch slightly. 

Cas kept his eyes closed, convinced that none of this was actually happening and he was, in fact dreaming. He could feel the heat from Dean’s hand on his face, and when Dean began rubbing his thumb against the roughness of his stubble, Cas had to stop himself from whimpering. 

“Cas,” Dean whispered, his voice begging. “Look at me, please.” 

Cas drew a shaky breath before he finally allowed his eyelids to flutter open, taking in the sight before him that was Dean Winchester. The hunter’s eyes had begun to well with tears, and it made Cas want to slam his eyes shut again. 

“You know that you don’t have to say…you know that…” Dean struggled to find his words, his lips pursing and his head shaking in frustration. 

“I know,” Cas replied with a hushed tone. If this was happening at any other point in his life, Cas would’ve been smiling. He would’ve been so enthused, so amazed, so…

“I do, you know?” Dean moved even closer, their toes almost touching. Cas could feel Dean’s breath on his face, could smell the familiar scent of Irish Spring soap and whiskey. 

“I do too,” Cas responded. He knew he shouldn’t have said it, but he also couldn’t let himself or Dean die today without this being resolved. 

“I…I really want to kiss you,” Dean whispered, his thumb stroking Cas’ cheek again. 

“But,” Cas swallowed, his gaze going from Dean’s eyes down to those perfect pink lips. “We can’t.”

“I know,” Dean allowed his hand to migrate forward, his thumb resting on Cas’ bottom lip. 

Cas closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of Dean’s thumb on his mouth. The angel slowly reached up and grabbed Dean’s hand, moving it to the front of his face. He opened his eyes and stared at Dean as he gently placed a kiss on Dean’s fingers, his breath hot. They remained like that for a brief moment, before Dean finally lowered his hand. 

“When we’re done with this whole Chuck thing,” Dean huffed a sharp breath, not wanting to back away just yet. “We’ll figure out your deal with The Empty. I promise.” 

“I don’t think there’s any way we can fix it, Dean,” Cas looked at him with that pitiful puppy dog look, his mouth curved in a sad smile. 

“Well I can’t just not let you be happy for the rest of your life, Cas,” Dean reached out and placed his hand on the angel’s shoulder. “We can figure it out.” 

Cas watched as Dean walked around him and to the hallway, headed back to help Sam and Jack finish packing. Cas knew that there was no helping his situation, that he could never let himself be happy. What he didn’t think about though, was that his happiness was now directly correlated to Dean’s happiness. He couldn’t sacrifice the hunter’s bliss for his own life and so, the angel made a deal with himself. He would tell Dean those three little words. He would kiss him. He would allow himself to be happy with the man whom he loved. 

And then The Empty would take him away. 

But that could wait for tomorrow.


End file.
